humm. ebloggy is finally up again. bt i thinkin of changing blog le leh. humm. let me think first. after all got feel w this blog. haha..

kheng.
15-06-08

oh ya. n i forgot to add sth.

kheng yells to fann:

remember we will grow old tgt?

WE WILL!

kheng.

my dear dear dear fann!! e tagboard is really too short..

i really really really wish to tell u tt i'm here. always here forever here.. we'll nv be apart. we'll nv be so far yet so near.. u noe this term is i always use to suan1 ppl whom i care alot bt they always miss me out in their lives or jus forget me? so u can't use it on me k! we'll nv be far!! rmb k! anytime u need me mus call me or ask me! n every morn wen i go sch.. i do watch out for u in ur touchrugby's trg de k! i nv forget you! n i wun k!:D love u fann!:D

kheng!:D






n i really can't stand this le. shame on those who dun even feel tt sense of so near yet so far.. haiz.. if u ever realised.. we're drifting away only wen i dun care.. wen i do make effort, we aren't tt far. Don't u sense anything? not telling u u're at my beck n call. bt jus to make u feel guilty tt it all depends on my effort. izzit tt wen i dun make e effort.. u wun DARE to come near me? u scared i will ignore u izzit? or u scared u will be a burden to me? or izzit tt u're simply too used to me making e effort. come on la. pls. if u care. take e effort. dun dream about it. if u dun care. cut ur crap.

< wen all i ever get from u is nothing on me n u claim tt u care? come on! >

to be frank. all my suan-ings will only be directed to u.. if u still dun get it. ha. ha. ha. i really can lol le..

maybe u will get it.

maybe u wun.

maybe others will get it. maybe u wun.

bt nevertheless. regardless of anything..

u're empowered w tt choice.

~wat-can-i-say?~

PEACE

31-05-08

ppl. it's a next post below. if u're thinking of jus skimming thru or jus nt reading e post. i really hope u do give a try at e narration of e da chang jin n my reflections on it. coz somehow i feel tt i m making a lot of sense n i really really feel tt it's worth thinking about.. so jus try eh? if u're tired today. read it another day. read it w ur heart, ur mind n ur soul. if nothing reflective comes out of it. den sorry.. bt at least u give me reflections some form of respect? thanks!

kheng.
31-05-08

haha. be prepared for a long post:

today is sat.. e sat after e first week of june hols. achievements? nothing. coz e fri of term 2.. e last fr of term 2. wen i reached home. i went for chalet. went till mon. den e tues i went to ah ma's hs to stay. stay till today den come home. yes. i m worried. so much work to catch up n yet i spent one whole week idling.. bt it's alright. it's really alright.. coz after such a long long time. after so many years. i finally felt wat a holiday is like. w.o worries. without HASTE. w/o anything in mind. jus RELAX.

yes. staying at my ah ma's hs. sth tt i haven't done since P6. sec sch was so busy n hectic. how could i possibly even afford to spend my hols at my ah ma's hs. not meetings/gng out/bmt trg.. life's jus so full of happenings. bt this time round. i managed to spend one whole week. really idling.. all i did was to eat. sleep. watch tv. use comp. teach my cousins to study. really nothing else. n simply nothing else. productivity = 0

jus find this really amazing.. my ah ma's hs is so packed. it's so squeezy. so small. nothing special.. tv.. my fav tv only has 2 "watchable" channels.. channel 8 n channel u. comp is rather lag. bed is squeezy. even bathroom also small. bt i jus love it. it jus feels so great.

on e other hand. coming back to my house. there's a homewelcoming feel. it's jus a feel of familarity. a feel tt 12years of stay which i assume will naturally bring? yep. tt big big bathroom doesn't make me feel anythin. it's so so big as compared to ah ma's hs de. jus suddenly. eh. e bathroom like very big. bt dunno why. i miss my ah ma's hs one more. haha.. really funny.

maybe this house represented a very routine part of my life. i spent my studying years here whereas i spent my infant years at my ah ma's hs. at there. there's only fun. bt here. it's all the studying. all e rushing thru life.. nothing perhaps really memorable bah..

haiz.. or rather i jus allowed myself to slack at my ah ma's hs.. tt's why i feel tt there is less stressful bah. perhaps.. maybe this is sth tt i m doing or imposing on e 2 diff houses consciously or subconsciously bah. bt all i can say is: i really enjoy staying at my ah ma's hs.

it feels jus diff. maybe sometimes being packed isn't such a bad thing afterall bah..

i jus wanna say i miss my cousins n feel bad coming home today n leavin my ah ma alone at home wen my cousins are gng back to their home n only gng back tmr. yep. bt i think i might go back in week 3 bah. bt def cannot afford such a long stay there. coz next week i guess wld also be burned out. n i really need to study. i've absolutely no interest in being retained!

yep.. i guess my above words can't really retain e main point tt i m trying to convey. bt roughly lo. humm..

anw.. wen i came home. e first thing i did was of coz to chiong da chang jin. haiz.. n i watched e sad part.. n if anyone of u did watch da chang jin.. i was watchin e part where they were being sent to jeju island n han shang gong died..

on their way there.. chang jin said tt she will piggyback han shang gong all e way till jeju island.. bt coz i watched before n i knew han shang gong will die...tt sentence was very saddening.. coz i knew she wun be able to carry out her so called "promise"..

n wen han shang was bout to die. she kept asking chang jin to go back to e palace n she will go back first(coz she wld soon be dead n can allow her soul to go back). n wen chang jin goes back. she wld apologise to her(prob for abandoning her)

wah.. tears jus rolled uncontrollably. n coz i was tryin so hard nt to cry out loud.. my nose became so blocked n my ears somehow too. head became a bit heavy..

yep.. touching parts! i guessed this is e 2nd time i m watchin this part. n i still cried.. perhaps if i suddenly jus tune into this scene i wun be so touched bah. bt coz i've been following e show again closely. wah.. e feel is jus so on-built tt WAH.....

power of dramas on me.

yep. n coz i was so bo liao. i went to watch e first few episodes of da chang jin on tudou. n there. i saw e initial phase whereby cui shang gong had to kill changjin's mum(her friend n also han shang gong's friend) n afterwhich she was sobbing..

it really showed her human nature. it showed tt everyone has a humane side..

n this is jus nice.. an explanation to why now when she is harming han shang gong n changjin. she did try to keep their lives. she did go to han shang gong n tell her to leave quietly so tt she wun haf to harm anymore ppl. she did stand n see them get banished to jeju n there were tears in her eyes..

n jinying said to her(cui shang gong) tt wen she was reminded of changjin's mum's death.. there were tears in her eyes.. n those tears were more sorrow than those wen she didn't make it to e top lady of e royal kitchen..

really very sad.. maybe sad for cui shang gong n jinying bah.. it's like coz of palace life. coz of family tradition. they didn't haf a choice. they had to do things against their nature. they haf to harm ppl tt they grow up w.. wen they're actually unwilling too. n in e end they become ppl who're very mean n go around harming ppl..

nvm if they really become totally heartless. e even sadder thing is they jus still haf tt tinge of humanity in them tt they feel sad for harming their friends. their tears will roll. tt kind of sadness. tt kind of patheticness. i really jus can't help bt feel for them tho they're bad ppl.

n tt's why till now i can still rmb e scene tt cui shang gong died. e scene where she lost everything n went a bit insane.. she went to a cliff n she saw a hanging tree(below e tree was a endless "pit". e place where u will fall off in wen u jump off a cliff) n tt tree reminded her of her childhood time when she played w han shang gong n changjin's mum. wen they were young palace maids.. innocent n were good friends.. n they were climbing up a tree to retrieve a scarf i think.. n she saw a similar scarf handing on e tree of e cliff n she (coz a bit sot alr) jumped to retrieve e scarf n supposedly fell to her death..

n actually i feel happy for her. coz at e last moment of her life. she actually remembered her sweet childhood. her friends were on her mind. not hatred. nt evil thoughts. n maybe good for her - not guilt.. yep..

n i get this similar feel in another show jin1 zhi1 yu4 nie4.. where one of e concubines of e emperor was at first a kind one bt she turned evil at e lost of her son who was killed by e evil empress.. it's like she was being potrayed as such a evil woman. den at a point in time..one of e royal physician actually asked another guard.. "who was innocent n kind wen they first enter e palace?"

tt really striked me. nt tt e palace is an evil place.. bt jus e qn of who'sn't nice n kind in e first place? why wld ppl go around harming ppl if they can haf a peaceful life.. n this is where i agree w e Buddhist's teachings more tt all man are kind(ren zhi1 chu4 xing4 ben3 shan4) rather than Christian's "all man are sinful". yep.. pls dun argue w me this ppl. regardless of wat religion u r. jus a causual remark tho i mean it. no offence to religions.

yep.. n back to da chang jin.. wen e previous top lady of e royal kitchen left her post n passed it on to han shang gong. she told her,
"despite many ppl entering n moving around, e palace is lonely de(ji4 mo4 he2 gu1 du2 de).. i rmb these 6 words so clearly.. perhaps coz this palace is lonely.. tt's why ppl fight for power. ppl wan tt little bit more attention.. ppl..... so you mus understand them. mus accept them.. mus forgive them."
sth like this.. woah.. these words were equally striking.. yeah.. be more understanding.. tho i wun put tt into our life's context coz i feel tt we ppl now haf more power over our lives.. we've a lot more choices.. we've more human rights.. n i jus feel tt our lives now is more bright n not as dark as those living in e palace.. so loneliness isn't an excuse.. bt i can fully understand e feeling of those ppl in e past.. maybe coz i watch many dramas bah. from hk, china, taiwan, singapore, korea n japan.

n sth quite weird is tt i get e feeling tt e palace is a lonesome place only wen all e bad ppl are being eliminated.. den i feel tt e palace is a place w.o competition n everythin becomes so empty.. does this represents my attitiude towards life? izzit tt a life w.o competition is one tt's empty to me? i also dunno. more to discover as i grow n reflect..

n anw. shld one day my life become as dark as those in e palace.. i will use tt previous top lady of e royal kitchen's words. i will rmb them n i will apply them to my life. coz i really dun wan to lose faith in human nature n lead a hollow meaningless life havin no one to rely n believe in.

yep.. tt's bout it bah.. i wonder if u guys will find inspirations from e da chang jin narration i've given above.. finally after such a long time. i tink my post is giving some form of encouragement n hope n sensible reflections.. i jus feel tt it wld be a pity if u guys coz dun understand e complex relationship of those in e story n miss e point tt i'm trying to say.. bt if u guys understood n dun feel any form of motivation.. of coz it's understandable. things tt are inspirational to me might not be inspirational to u. it's perfectly okay. bt at least take e effort to try to read it k?

i jus wish to thrash out w someone. bt i think as usual. i lack e courage bah. see if i will come here n write it out. if it doesn't appear here. it probably wun appear anywhere else.. coz this is prob e most direct n yet indirect way of conveying my msg.. haiz. yep. see bah.

heartbreaks..

kheng.
31-05-08

Kenny talked to me about being close to friends and family. I remember saying something like, I doubt I can cry or tear when someone close to me actually passes away. The feeling's very superficial. I don't like it. My 'immune system' has gotten so strong that I distance myself from everyone.

oh my goodness. this's from matthew's blog. i think most of my friends haf heard me say e 2nd sentence before.. woah. matthew n i really really think alike! hahhaa.. like soulmates like tt. bt i'm e more emo one whereas he's e more "sane" one. lol. this's so cool!:P

kheng.
31-05-08

haha.. yeah. jus came back from bmt play.. i pon-ned guitar AGAIN.hee. coz after chalet.. alr v late. 11am check out. 12.10pm den ah gu come fetch us. den i reach home go NJ alr 2.30pm alr.. prac was planned to end at 3.30. hee. so i pon. anw. coz karen(nJ) had her friend. so i dun go wun make her emo. hee. so i jus ponned. bad gal:P

yep.. anw.. so i went ah ma's house to slack. haha. was challenging ben to soccer. haha. i won him! bt i cheated actually. hehee.. bt yep. den i taught him some maths. tmr i gng ah ma's hs again to teach him n adeline.. haha. i so wan to go ah ma's hs. n i staying.hee. i miss e days wen i always go ah ma's hs to stay in e hols. wah..

yep.. anw e main thing i wan to say is:

i think it's very inbal now.. it's too dominated by them alr.. e others dun really haf a place i feel. n i dun like this. yep..

anw.. i had loads of fun for e past 3 days!:D hee.. yay! haha. escape. wild wild wet. arcade bball-spamming. plus swimming n yest's jacuzzi n sauna!:D:D felt like a rich woman wen i was enjoyin e sauna n jacuzzi. hahaha. i think adeline n i looked super noob wen we were like exclaimin over e jacuzzi n how cool n class e place was.. (coz there's no one else there at e pool:P)

yep.. i long for someone too.

kheng.
26/05/08

haha.. woah.. yest or rather this morn finished gpp at 4.27am. hahaha. i provided e wrong data wen i went around tellin ppl i slept at 4am. haha. i actually slept at 4.45 near 5am! haha.. bt dunno why. i m proud of myself! haha. coz i selflessly helped colouwolf edit his gpp part n i compiled gpp again. haha.. this time round nobody said anythin. also assumed to be me compiling alr:P haha. bt i nt complainin or grumbling. n i believe my grp wun bully me de. so dun worry tt i will chi1 kui1 k! haha.

yep.. so e reward of my hard work was i earned another fag - colourwolf. haha.. 2nd time. muhahaha. bt today's fag was significantly more useful..haha.. coz yeexien n william-ge didn't come. so only left w xinru, patrick n me. haha.. den we were playing some games during pw. coz we finished our work alr. so we slacked. haha.. n actually colourwolf won e 5-10 game. haha. n i lost. bt he did forfeit on my behalf. muhahaha.. n he volunteered to fill waterbottles for me wen i merely told him to pass xinru my bottle. haha.. good fag! i think there're more opportunities to come in future. hahaha..

yeah. give-and-take. tt's wat miss lim said to us. she said tt we shld be prac.. n tt it's impossible to make sure everyone do e same amount of work. n true enough. tt happened. hahaha.. n of coz. i dun mind being e giving one. haha.. yeah.. anw.. colourwolf had tt super guilty look on his face. muhahaha. strike 2!:D

anw ya.. today's quite a nt bad day.. first hist lecture. we purposely waited for jiaqiang who had to go see trc.. den we were late for hist lecture test. i mean i think tt few mins also no diff lo. i didn't even study. in fact i dun think anyone bothered to study. coz sure fail.. haha.. maybe u guys think wrong attitude.. bt honesly.. wat's e point? bt it wun apply for common test.. common test def mus study.. it's formal exam. plus i've got e whole hols to try to self-learn history writing techniques.. so yep.. cannot like tt for commontest. yep..

den miss oon's lesson. haha. i think she really haf e impression i'm a good gal. her comments for my paragraph-writing drills was very nice n kind. haha. i saw jiaqiang's.. like a bit more sharp n acute. haha.. maybe coz jiaqiang really did sloppy work. haha. no la. actually jq is more guai1 than me. jus tt i look more guai1 than him:P hee.

den miss lim's class. coz now J2 common test. so our classroom temp shifted to e one above econs tutorial class. plus miss oon released us early. so jq n me reached at the same time as miss lim. den tt trc inside keep draggin. so we were talkin to miss lim. haha. i was 'complaining' to her tt i did gpp till 4am. hahaha..

den go into class alr.. she told me to help her give out e case study. haha. woah. i got 18/25 wor! i think i'm jus talented:P haha. e econs test.. got 3 so far. other than e essay i got 17/25. e rest all A std. hahaa.. hee. i'm so happy!:D haha. bt miss lim got say e essay is she mark lenient. if nt i think i wld haf flunked tt paper. hee..

bt tt's only for econs. e rest. goodness! i've been failing all my maths test. physics owned one. failed e other. haha. den hist.. no test yet. bt i failed one essay n passed one for international history at e start of e year wen DL made us write essays wen all we had was sec sch skills(which now i think is enough to help us get a decent grade in essays. i mean e skills dun really differ by alot) yep. den paragraph writing drills for SEA. i take it as a measurement of my std. e first was good. 2nd wasn't really tt good. anw. miss oon said tt i did show a consistent effort to analyse bt get some of my stuff mixed up. yep..

haha. anw.. at e end of econs. miss lim told us to do survey form on her teaching. haha.. so we did it. n last 2 qn were wat do u think is good, then wat's bad bout econs lessons. haha.. so i wrote for e good part: all my doubts are cleared. haha. den e bad part i dunno wat to write. so i see jiaqiang's.. n he wrote.. "NOTHING. I LOVE ECONS!" hahahhaa.. so i wrote nothing too. haha. den miss lim told him to collect coz he finished his survey form first.

yep. n i realised he wrote his name. very big-ly. haha.. den he took mine. n he wrote my big name too. n he added for e last qn: "my econs sux"(e wat's bad bout econs lesson). haha.. n i didn't realise until miss lim told him nt to read others' response. haha.. n wen i saw tt. i tried to snatch e paper back to edit. n he didn't give me. haha. so i sabo-ed him. muhahaha. i jus went:

"miss lim. jiaqiang write on my paper tt my econs sux!" haha.. aim was to tell miss lim so tt she wun think tt i hate econs. haha.. den miss lim told him to let me collect instead. haha.. bt wen i collect. i still peep at others' response. muhaahha..

ya.. my twin is so lame.. bt he's fun-loving!:D haha. entertainment to e max!:D

ya la. sounds lame. bt i think these are gng to be e fun memories i'll haf wen i think bout my JC life. haha.. as i m writing this. i m thinking of all e dumb things i did w zixiang! haha.. w karen we didn't do dumb things.haha.. bt we got laugh at funny stuff also! hahahaha.. aiyo. i so miss karen! sobsob.

den physics went there to copy copy copy den lag a bit. haha.. den lunch + free period.. was competing w zeni in typing speed test. i owned her. haha. bt still got v fast. hehee..

den went PW. haha. den jus lag there w patrick n xinru. haha.. n i made my fag do his job! haha. keep makin him do things. haha.. mus fully utilise my fag! haha..

yep.. bt there's sth which i a bit paiseh to write. haha. so i shalln't write..

bt tho i did wat i've been wanting to do all these while. i realised tt actually doing it also comes w a very heavy mental torturing price. yep.. maybe n hopefully this is e first and also e last time i'm doin it. yep.

n perhaps.. sometimes.. i dun really think of e consequences wen i do stuff.. i jus overlooked certain stuff.. tsk tsk..

yep.. tt's all. anw. i hope i can finish my gp va fast.. den i can go watch my recorded shows. coz tmr's laxing. first 2hours watch council investiture(tb-mate gng to be vice-pres!:D) den 2 lectures(also laxing) den last physics tutorial.. got test bt also sama-sama.. sure fail de. my target is to nt get zero. hehee.. yep.. den can go family chalet till mon!:D haha. den mon after 2pm gng to play bmt w current S04-gals. haha. hopefully twin can go coz he was pri sch west zone junior champion. jus tt very long nv prac le. bt can challenge him. haha.. den will haf ppl pei me go home. n shun4 bian4 entertain me!:D haha.

anw. jus wanna say. it feels good to haf a fag. n it feels good to haf a twin who shares e same b-dae, same combi n lives in e same area as u. e entertainment n fun is great! really so great tt it keeps me happy(:

shall go do gp va now(:

kheng.
22/05/08

haha.. yay. my gift junior came to talk to me jus now. haha. she damn cute n sweet. haha.. our conversation:P haha..
btw. i m "strike 1!" hee.


vivien says:
hii mum

strike 1! says:
hi daughter!

vivien says:
haha

vivien says:
lucky gt pass all my exams

vivien says:
lol

strike 1! says:
woah good!

vivien says:
or u gonna kill me

strike 1! says:
haha..

strike 1! says:
yep!

vivien says:
haha

strike 1! says:
haha.. good gal good gal. haha. hols i treat u to sth.. haha..

vivien says:
yipee

vivien says:
i thought u say u wanna pass smth to meiying??

strike 1! says:
haha.. yep bt too lazy to arrange to meet w her

strike 1! says:
haha

vivien says:
ohh

strike 1! says:
haha.. next time see u all den pass u all. sama sama

strike 1! says:
haha

vivien says:
haha

vivien says:
lazy mama

strike 1! says:
hee

vivien says:
gt tis kind of mama so gt tis kind of daughter

vivien says:
lol

strike 1! says:
hahahah.. quite true:

strike 1! says:
haha

strike 1! says:
bt at least i nt so lazy till i fail napfa!

strike 1! says:
hahahah

vivien says:
hahaha

vivien says:
so bad!!!

vivien says:
bad mama

strike 1! says:
haha

strike 1! says:
cannot fail napfa.. cannot diu1 my lian3

strike 1! says:
haha

vivien says:
ohh

vivien says:
jiayou

strike 1! says:
haha.. why u say jiayou?

strike 1! says:
haha

vivien says:
duno

vivien says:
lol

vivien says:
hH

vivien says:
haha

strike 1! says:
lolllllllllllllllllll

strike 1! says:
hahaha

vivien says:
gtg

vivien says:
bye mum

vivien says:
see u soon

strike 1! says:
haha.. kk byebye(:

vivien says:
love u

vivien says:
muacks!!

vivien says:
haha

strike 1! says:
love u too


haha. end of conversation. haha.

anw. tonight haf to do GPP again!:( bt is final draft le.. so PHEW! haha.. bt tonight sure needa don. den tmr night prob haf to chiong GP va.

GP = general paper(like english + general knowledge)

VA = varied assessment. 10% of overall grades

yep. so means i m gng to be so super strained! plus tmr still got guitar! bt luckily guitar is really getting better. now at least can catch up. n there's karen to pei me:D esp wen waimin is not around. haha. yep!(:

i m really tired. need slp! maybe shld go catch some b4 my PW grpmates come online:P hee.

kheng.
21-05-08
2132h (still early wor:P)

haha. now n today's fann's b-dae! i love fann!

n she said sth so sweet:

"let's grow old tgt!"

ooh my goodness. it's so so so sweet. it really beats any "friends forever" haha.

I LOVE FANN!

KHENG SWEARS ON 19-05-08 THAT SHE WILL GROW OLD WITH FANN!

haha.. yeah.. n anw.. i scored a victory against colouwolf in our battle today. haha. after gettin owned in e 1st half. i've won back e 2nd half.so for today. TIE. bt he's my fac for tmr n tues!:P hahahah. yay!

fac = servant
getting owned = being thrashed
TIE = on par
yay = smugly happy!:P

haha. kk. nitex!

kheng.
19/05/08
sigh. it's 3.23am again! GPP always = slp at wee hours.. ooh.. nvm. kheng's happy now(:

kheng
rvhs_4angelic
rvhs_bmt_B'div'o7


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